don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
she woke up with a sticky ear
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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