READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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