Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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