My boss' voice literally gives me gas
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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