You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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