I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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