How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
