I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
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