oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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