he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Randomize
