I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
