feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
