this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
