i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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