The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
