I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
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