he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
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He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
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Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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