Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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