I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I want to fling myself into the sun
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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