the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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