Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
