I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
