Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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