I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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