you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize