Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Randomize
