You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
