god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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