I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
