it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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