Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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