I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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