My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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