I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
The beers last night were like the tears from god
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
