just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Just invented taco cereal.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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