I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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