you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Randomize
