So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
