i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Quick, to the slutcave!
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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