im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
