She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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