I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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