my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
