seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
