Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
