My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
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You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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