I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
