I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
