She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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