Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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