I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Randomize
