no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
