You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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