I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
