I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
