It's like God shit irony all over that family
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Everyone says I win the strip club
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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