My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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