Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
It's blow job season.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
