so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
