party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
