My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
