the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
