The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
