You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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