My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
