Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
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