Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
