have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize