my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I think people are normalizing furries
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
