The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize