Dual....:-)
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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