Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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