In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
if only i could text you this smell
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
we're so committed to being not committed
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
