On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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