garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
