Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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