i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
