I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
