i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
