It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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