So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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