wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize