you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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