those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
