community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
