There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I FOUND THE LEGS
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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