wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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