Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
